"My Happy"

Since today is Mother's Day, here are some thought on being a Mom.

My friend Lauren had a great post a few weeks ago on the Obscurity of Motherhood, check it out she shared some great thoughts. Her post has caused me to think, I could very much relate to much of what she said. My oldest is looking at his 4th birthday which amazes me and I still don't feel like I'm settled into this motherhood thing. I'm always wondering when or if ever I'm going to figure this thing out.

Then on Friday our speaker at MOPS had us do a puzzle without the picture to guide us with what the puzzle should come out looking like. Her point was that motherhood is like putting together a puzzle without the big picture. We have ideas of how we want our kids to turn out, but we don't know what the picture will end up looking like, only God does. She then told us about the piece of her puzzle and how she let God grow her through being a mom. That demonstration clicked in my head, because I'm such a planner and I almost always need to know the end result. With my kids I don't know the end result, I can try my hardest, point them in the directions that we believe are correct, but ultimately I leave the big picture up to God. On that note one of my favorite things that she said and I think she was quoting another friend: "We can't be our kids Jesus, Jesus is a much better Jesus to our kids than we could ever be." That is hard and freeing all at once.

This past week one day when I sat down to have lunch with the boys I started telling them how happy I was to be with them today and to be having lunch with them and that no one else in the world enjoys them as much as their Mommy does. Will looked over at me and he didn't know how profound he was, but he said, "This is your happy Mommy?" And I said, "Yes, Will this is my happy."

I've thought about that for the rest of the week. And it came to mind again at lunch today and I looked at both my boys and started to cry. On this Mother's Day, I'm reminded of how very special it is to be their Mommy. Even when I feel like the job is obscure and there's no picture of how to put the puzzle together. And even when I feel totally lost and like some days are a failure. I can honestly say "Yes, Will this is my happy."

Happy Mother's Day!